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When no one sees you cry but you are not unique

October 21, 2020

5 min read

This article has been translated from our English edition.

When no one sees you cry but you are not unique
When no one sees you cry but you are not unique

With the kind support of Ann Peck

Even though nobody talks about it, I can’t be the only one, can I?

I’ve asked myself these words more times than I can count since March when the reality of COVID-19 hit hard. When everything was new, my friends and I had numerous discussions about what was going on and how we felt about it, and they helped.

These conversations are rare and widespread these days, even though what we learn is a massively shared experience. I mean the sudden burst of tears caused by something as simple as riding a bike or cooking dinner.

Or lose us in our minds like I did today.

Well, I’ll admit I’m the crying girl in Hallmark commercials and movie trailers, but the cause of the tears is much more intense today. And annoying. It is more than the stress of what is happening in our world.

Image: Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

Today’s tears come from deep sadness.

Working at home, being isolated from friends and family takes its toll on most of us, whether we admit it or not. And with the fall and flu season approaching, everything in this life is beginning to subside as we knew it was unlikely to return anytime soon, if it ever will.

We are beginning to see how drastically things will change in the months ahead for those of us in cold climates. Few are returning to their offices this year, and the ability to socialize remotely will be severely limited as the snow blows and temperatures drop. And so many have adopted a new motto: It is what it is. What it is is depressing.

Image: Yuris Alhumaydy via Unsplash

Maybe that’s why we spend less time talking about it now. We have come to terms with this changed state of normality and how we feel about it. We don’t like to admit that we are unhappy, and sadness, by definition, is pain. But when we know the origin of something, we can understand it, deal with it, and ultimately overcome it.

A change of seasons often leads to conflicting emotions, but everything is amplified by what is happening. People die on the street, in their homes and alone. In the United States, the pandemic and civil unrest are taking an unimaginable toll on the hearts and souls of our citizens. No wonder we mourn.

As the death toll rises, the effects of loss of life strike us like a punch in the stomach in a street fight, and just as quickly we choke in grief as tears begin to flow.

It’s no wonder these experiences affect our ability to do the things that are most important to our families and to ourselves, whether we work, study, or spend time together. They take us out of our game and mess up our carefully planned schedule (which had no crying on the list). This is about knowing that we are not alone and that others know the same thing.

Image: Ethan Sykes via Unsplash

Remember, even if nobody sees you cry, you are not the only one.

We cannot deny the emotions that brought our tears to the surface, and we cannot change what is happening in the world around us. The only thing we can change is how we deal with everything that happens.

Compassion for ourselves is an invaluable first step.

Call a friend, make a video call. Talk about what you are experiencing so that you can better understand it. It is the first step in getting back to doing what is most important in our lives, even if the world around us never returns to what it was before.