The trauma behind the desire to achieve everything

What’s your why

When thinking about starting your own business, this is an important question to ask yourself. Why do you want to start a business?

The trauma behind the desire to achieve everything
The trauma behind the desire to achieve everything

Is it because you feel you have a purpose? Is it because you feel exhausted and overwhelmed in your company work?

If the latter is the case, it is important to understand the reasons why you are feeling overwhelmed.

We are a society that values ​​success above most, if not all, things. Success can be wonderful when it comes from a place of authenticity, purpose, and alignment. They can worsen and become dependent on stimulants.

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However, success is not always synonymous with happiness or fulfillment, especially when we blindly and pointlessly pursue it and use it as a measure of our own worth.

Many of us unconsciously strive for success because we want to be ceaselessly perfect, to gain external affirmation that we never received in childhood, and to show that we are worthy of love. In his book How to do the job, writes Dr. Nicole LePera that the person who always wants to win “feels seen, heard and valued by success and achievement. He uses external affirmation to deal with low self-esteem. He believes this is the only way to receive love” . is through performance. “

As high achievers, we often use our careers to distract ourselves from unhealed wounds and keep ourselves occupied enough to avoid any kind of real intimacy.

This was true for me. I pursued success in a corporate job for over 10 years, constantly ignoring my authentic self while looking for success for validation and using the job to ignore my past and pain. It definitely helped to make me “successful”: At the age of 25, I made six figures as a manager at a global consulting company.

It was great until one day I woke up to find that I was depressed and dissatisfied and was doing everything possible to avoid this great emptiness in my life. Constant revision and the pursuit of perfection burned me out. I didn’t want to stay with my job, but I had no idea what I wanted to do. I had no idea what made me happy or what fulfilled me. The idea of ​​not being perfect and successful in a “good” job seemed to me to have failed. Plus, the money he made was a form of affirmation and protection. I didn’t want to risk that.

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Many of us have had childhoods that did not allow us to express our true selves. For those who were abandoned in any way as children, either because of abuse or neglect, or because their parents pushed them in a certain way, we were not allowed to feel heard or seen. As a result, we give up our true selves and our true desires. We learned to survive by ignoring our authenticity and overly relying on one of our four human survival responses: fight, flee, freeze, or flatter.

Perfectionism and “urge” are actually escape reactions, a survival instinct for emotional abandonment as a child.

In his book Complex PTSD: From Survival to Thrivewrites therapist Pete Walker that “many types of escape remain constantly busy and arduous so as not to be triggered by deeper relationships with the perfect personality.”

Developed healthily, the flight behavior ensures good limits, assertiveness and healthy self-protection if necessary. When we continually rely on it as a necessity for survival or as an attempt to cope with unhealed wounds, our survival instinct affects our ability to relax into a helpless state. It also dulls our awareness of our past trauma and distracts us from our feelings of misalignment.

That drives the workaholic.

The person who is always “on”.

The type A personality that arrives quickly.

The perfectionist.

The outstanding one.

This leads to constant activity and worry or planning when you don’t.

This leads us to bury ourselves in work to avoid authenticity and vulnerability.

This leads to anxiety, panic, exhaustion and, in more extreme cases, addiction, depression and sometimes suicide.

Like Dr. Lepera writes, “It can be devastating for those in traditionally coveted professions who have difficulty dealing with occupational malpositions, consume substances, have psychological problems and, in extreme cases, even commit suicide.”

Related: Why Living In Your Affluent Zone Is The Key To Success

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