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How you can increase your emotional intelligence in 3 steps

July 27, 2020

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How you can increase your emotional intelligence in 3 stepsHow you can increase your emotional intelligence in 3 steps

There is still a dominant myth that affects wellbeing and performance. The myth is that Emotions They are not part of work. That workers can flip a switch and forget all their fear, joy, grief, and hope by turning on their computers. This myth makes many believe that professionals have to be cold and stoic.

Feelings are not only part of being human, but science also shows that employees who leave a highly polished professional presence experience more self-confidence, friendliness, performance and solidarity. Separating yourself from our personal life is not only unfortunate but also bad for business.

For this reason, the emotional intelligence It will be the hallmark of the most successful leaders and organizations of the future.

The ability to identify and manage personal emotions and those of others will be beneficial to leaders as concerns about mental health, depression, and loneliness continue to increase among the modern workforce.

If leaders don’t feel comfortable immersing themselves in emotional waters, they risk never fully solving the problems of their team or customers, because empathy, a central pillar of emotional intelligence, is required to fully solve problems. As Bill Gates said in his closing speech at Stanford University in 2014: “If we have optimism but no empathy, it doesn’t matter how well we master the secrets of science. We don’t really solve problems, we only work on puzzles.”

Emotions are not a problem to be solved, but a tension to be overcome. Real leaders successfully cope with this daily stress emotional intelligence.

According to Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional intelligence: why it can be more important than IQEmotional intelligence is a better predictor of academic success, work performance and life success than Intelligence quotient someone’s (IQ). And unlike IQ, people can increase their emotional intelligence throughout life. Here are three steps to become emotionally intelligent.

1. Find a balance in the emotional spectrum

Image: Amin Moshrefi on Unsplash

There is a boundary between sharing feelings that build trust and sharing too much that undermines trust. Sharing too much can undermine influence, annoy others, and show a lack of self-confidence.

Most people let their feelings drive the car of their life or block it immediately. Neither option is ideal. Emotions help us navigate the world. They must not be driving or locked, but included in the passenger seat, where they are visible, and serve as a guide.

Emotional expression is a broad spectrum. At one extreme are sub-motifs, people who only prefer the facts or have difficulty accessing their feelings. The other extreme is over-motivation, people who constantly share their feelings. None of these extremes are healthy. Those who tend to share too much consider editing. Those who are more reluctant look for moments to open up and be more vulnerable or identifiable.

Emotional intelligence is about finding a balance in this spectrum. Recognize and manage feelings without being controlled by them.

Get the right emotional balance through selective exchange. Open up as you prioritize psychological security and stability for yourself and others. The selective exchange can take place in the following ways:

  • Highlight feelings: If a feeling is not related to work or is not related to a particular person, highlight the feeling without going into detail by telling the person that you are having a difficult day and that there is nothing to do with or with work has to do.
  • You need an ID: Discover the need behind emotion. If you feel anxious or worried about an upcoming deadline, the need behind the excitement may be to ask your team to come up with a plan to ensure that the deadline is met.

2. Make an effort to be identifiable and not vulnerable

Image: Ayo Ogunseinde on Unsplash

Emotional intelligence seems inextricably linked to vulnerability. While too often vulnerability can be a valuable tool, especially for managers, it can position someone as weak and undermine trust in a team. Instead, managers should strive to be identifiable.

Relativity, by definition, creates a social or understanding relationship with others. Wondering “Am I identifiable?” or “What is it like to be on the other side of me?” forces you to take into account the circumstances of the person you are interacting with and to provide an opportunity to empathize.

Here are two ways that others can relate to you as a person, not just a professional.

  • Tell your story: Replace the polished professional presence in an authentic way and in the service of others with understandable stories about discomfort, doubt or joy. People listen to storytellers autobiographically. So when you tell a personal story, others hear through the lens of their own life. Share where you have been, where you are and where you can be better identified.
  • Ask for a story: People long to be seen, heard and heard. Ask people pensive, open questions that allow them to answer a story. The stories we want to hear are often much better than the ones we tell.

3. Listen actively to understand and identify

Image: Mimi Thian on Unsplash

Famous businessman and author Jim Rohn said, “As a leader, you should always start where people are before trying to get them where you want them to be.” Too often people hear the possibility of inserting their comments, points or arguments. Instead, emotionally intelligent leaders actively listen to understand and identify the emotions behind the story or behavior.

Here are some sentences that should help with active listening:

  • Tell me more. Combat the urge to bring your vision or advice into a conversation and just say “tell me more”. This gives people the leeway to continue sharing and communicating how they feel.
  • How do we get here? Experienced FBI negotiators do not tell the perpetrator what to do or not to do. They first seek understanding by asking, “How did we get here?” This question is useful to create a story or context about the current situation.
  • What drives you to work every day? This is a useful question that you should investigate with an entire team. Answering this question creates trust.

Are the emotions disturbed? Yes. Are emotions inevitable? Yes. The decision to hide them under the carpet or to make them a success rests with the guides.

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