Business

Dare to ask a favor without dying of grief

When someone asks for your help with something (especially advice), we take that as an indicator that that person values ​​us.

The opinions of the employees of You are personal.


1. “Hello. Great shirt. Hey … I don’t usually do this, but I thought … do you think you can do me a favor and read this story? “

2. “Hello, I want to ask you a favor. I want you to read this story. I feel like you would enjoy it and that would give me great pleasure. If you don’t have the time or are not interested, don’t worry I understand. It’s just that I really appreciate your opinion.

Dare to ask a favor without dying of grief
Dare to ask a favor without dying of grief

What do you think of the first request? It’s not very good, is it? You know why? Because anyone who asks for a favor from the start assumes that this is an immense burden on the other person.

And favors really don’t have to be like that. Perhaps that “burden” lies in the way we ask because, to your surprise, I tell you that people love to do favors.

Why do people like to do favors?

Studies show that we do favors in order to “not fail” by not doing them. It’s that simple, you don’t need as much context. People don’t like to be wrong.

In an experiment conducted by professors at Cornell and Stanford University, participants were asked to ask strangers to fill out a questionnaire, donate to charity, or simply lend them their cell phones.

At the end of this dynamic, the participants were pleasantly surprised: people agreed twice as often as they had imagined.

We usually worry about the person’s “weight” when we say “yes,” but research suggests that it’s a lot easier than we think.

Subconsciously, people always wonder: why are they going to do this? That is, why did they ask me and not someone else? That is why they respond positively to the request because “they certainly trust me”. So don’t think that they will say no to you.

Why do people hate when a favor is asked?

It’s easy. Because you don’t get to the point and people hate detours. Just say what you want. Sometimes we ask things like it was an argument and it really isn’t.

The answer is simple: yes or no. There is no debate or negotiation. Why don’t you try to say, “You would help me a lot if you would help me with this. Do you think you can do it

This is much more effective, says Vamessa Bohns, co-author of the studies mentioned above. “We think it’s much more polite to think about it when it really isn’t.”

Enter an “exit”

Another important part is: the “escape” or “exit”. That shows respect. The escape in my previous request was, “If you don’t have the time or just aren’t interested, I understand.”

We both know I didn’t have to tell you because if the other person doesn’t want or have time, that’s fine, but the fact that they’re telling them shows that their time is important to me, there he could do a thousand other things, including watching the wall before I read my story.

There doesn’t have to be a price

A favor doesn’t have to come as a surprise. People can’t do it for anything, even the price can be a distraction from the immediate “yes”.

“Being asked about something is flattering,” says Bohn.

When someone asks for your help with something (especially advice), we take that as an indicator that that person values ​​us.

So now you know, don’t be afraid to ask a favor. Well, back to my previous request. Do you think you have time to read this story or not?

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