12 min read
This article has been translated from our English edition.
The opinions of the employees of You are personal.
- Talk about the events of your past.
- Meditate for more than 10 minutes.
- You have to agree to look really stupid in front of people.
- Make a habit of saying “yes” to the social connection.
With my head in my hands, the tears streaming down my face, the feelings of fear, worry, overwhelm and sadness that take hold of my whole body so much that my immediate reaction is to hurt myself. My sequence went like this: alcohol, smoke, drugs (usually cocaine), gambling. It kept happening for years. Little at the time, I had no idea that my addiction was related to bullying that hadn’t faded since childhood, and that the opposite of addiction is actually related. I was so separate from myself and others that I didn’t know who I was.
My pursuit of success has been strong and in 2015 my company had sales of the first million dollars. I moved to La Jolla, California from a friend’s room in Bristol, England.
The more material success I had, the more lonely I felt. I got my first Ferrari (rented) within a month of moving to the US and drove it to the beach and turned around for people to look at me. When my code-dependent relationship finally broke down, I upgraded the car to a $ 240,000 version and moved into a larger 6,070.28-square-foot house, this time with a basketball court. I called it “The Ranch”.
My behavior came from a lack of love for myself and I needed to heal. I no longer party or do drugs, I stopped that a long time ago. My last drink was in June 2017 and while my life is certainly not perfect, I am emotionally in the best place than ever.
What I would like to share with you here has not only overcome my depression, but also my fear, my overspending, my fear of judgment and, frankly, even the horror of looking people in the eye. Suicide rates among entrepreneurs are notoriously high, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t have suicidal thoughts in my darkest moments.
[Nota del editor: si tienes pensamientos suicidas, puedes llamar al Sistema Nacional de Apoyo, Consejo Psicológico e Intervención en Crisis por Teléfono (SAPTEL) a través del número (55) 5259-8121. También puedes marcar al Instituto Nacional de Psiquiatría Ramón de la Fuente Muñiz, mediante los teléfonos (55) 5655-3080 y (800) 953-1704]
1. Talk about past events
I’ll start with the most important thing here because it had the biggest impact on me. For many years I was ashamed of events in my past (for example, I had sexual experiences with other boys when I was young) that I never wanted to talk about. I call these “Black Balls”. These are the timeline events from your past that have been kept hidden. They are your secrets that you will take to the grave. What happens when we lock this up is that we don’t accept who we are. This is very harmful to the nervous system. If past events are not resolved, they cause internal conflict and chaos. This is by far one of the biggest causes of depression in my experience. Oppression = depression.
2. Meditate for more than 10 minutes
A lot of CEOs and entrepreneurs tell me they don’t have time to meditate, but they are also stressed and depressed. When I started my meditation journey, I used apps like Calm and Headspace for 5-10 minutes, which helped a bit, but it wasn’t until I went to India with Tony Robbins on a Platinum Association trip that I learned a much deeper about the importance of longer Meditations and persistence to immerse myself in my subconscious and heal. In my experience, breaking the 30 minute mark and then switching to time is game changing, but few can do it without the right structure and accountability. You only “get it” when you get there.
Image: Omid Armin on Unsplash
3. You have to agree to look really stupid in front of people.
For years I was concerned about what people thought of me and had social anxiety. As I mentioned earlier, I couldn’t look people in the eyes, especially men, because men intimidated me. A big change that happened in me was when I started improvising comedies because I was forced to step out of my comfort zone. After a full 8 weeks of improvisation classes (you can find them locally or online), I pretty much allayed my social fears and started spending more time. Improvisation takes you out of your mind and into the present moment, the opposite of the compulsive, erratic, and impatient behavior that is normal when you’re in a rush to “crush” it.
4. Get in the habit of saying “yes” to the social connection
I want you to consider that your business may be an addiction to you. Remember, there is no stopping an addiction. The effects, especially in relationships, are devastating. I spend a lot of time helping entrepreneurs reconnect with themselves first, but then with the people around them who have involuntarily turned away because of their addiction. A very quick way to change the brain’s mental associations is to change the habit from “no” to “yes” when invited to the connection. My two excuses were “I’m too busy” or “I’m too tired”. Both were self-sabotaging statements to protect me from rejection.
5. Choose to calm yourself down in a healthy way
We have healthy and unhealthy pain relievers. Healthy relief would be to walk, listen to music, and stimulate the brain in a way that won’t harm the body. For example, an unhealthy method would be alcohol, drugs, etc. An unhealthy pain reliever works by reducing energy, which then affects thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, and confidence. Over time, this begins to undermine other parts of your life. We get excited, irritable, frustrated, and difficult to be around. For me, I had to change my personal environment. A penguin can thrive in Antarctica, but not in the Sahara. Choose your surroundings wisely and say no to “friends” who press you.
6. Develop your emotional business intelligence
High-performance and successful employees have a high level of emotional intelligence. The most important way to develop emotional intelligence is self-awareness. We develop self-esteem by going inward, slowing down, and having the right coaches, mentors, and guides to break habitual patterns. This is the process of bringing something from the unconscious into consciousness so that we can choose to take positive action. For example, if you have had problems with anger affecting your marriage and your relationship with your customers for 30 years and you don’t know that this anger is caused by your father leaving when he was 10 and not being resolved vigorously, Anger will go on. When you realize it, you will see what is causing the pattern and you can move towards healing.
Image: Jonathan Borba via Unsplash
7. Pay attention to your Key Emotional Indicators (KEIs).
s love Key Performance Indicators (KPIs), but when it comes to improving our mental health, key emotional indicators are incredibly important as they can begin to dramatically reduce depression. The next time you feel good, write down everything that negatively affects you. You will notice how your energy changes and your thoughts shift from positive to negative. Once you identify the trigger, you will become aware of what you may need to heal or work with a professional instead of continuing the disease. For example, if it’s an ex’s post it can be so simple that you fall asleep and watch them for a period of time as you work through the pain of the breakup.
8. Develop a healthy energy routine
While many talk about the benefits of a morning or night routine, it’s important to look at them from an energetic perspective. If you were a battery and your energy was at 10%, your thoughts would be negative. Every day it is your job to make sure that you have plenty of energy. Basically, this is directly related to your consistent habits around meditation, diet, exercise, and sleep. I found that someone who consistently followed these habits for at least 42 days will move to a new level of performance where they understand how they can feel and how they feel. This is because we get used to feeling “normal” when in reality there is very little energy, much stress and worry. This is not normal for an entrepreneur, but the danger zone.
9. Find out whose judgment you fear most
When someone says to me, “I worry about what people think,” my first question is, “Is it human or is it a person?” If I asked you to share your new book with someone on the street, you probably wouldn’t be too worried, but if it were your ex-boss or father who you attributed a great deal of emotional strain to, then it would be a greater fear give. Once we can identify the often influential or notable person who carries the emotional weight, you can start to figure that out, but understand that it will be painful before you feel good. You must be ready to overcome the emotional pain of problem solving or your anxiety patterns will persist.
10. Enter F.E.A.R. (Fake evidence that looks real)
Advances in depression come from the other side of anxiety. In a state of fear, we think about something that does not serve us. The next time you are scared, become aware of what you are thinking. Imagine an airplane with an adult and a child. The plane starts rocking from side to side and the child is happy and smiling, but the adult is utterly scared. The reason? Most likely, the adult takes mental cues from films or air accident news with the greatest fear of death. Since the child does not have the same references, the brain does not bring these stories to the present moment that is turning off the body. Be aware of both your thoughts and the stories you are creating.
11. The calendar of happiness
Image: Catalog of thoughts about Unsplash
Most people plan activities that reduce energy levels and cause depression. The next board meeting, the marketing activity you don’t enjoy. You need to see your calendar as an energy calendar. If you don’t look at your calendar and feel bad about yourself, you probably have nothing to look forward to. When you start looking at your calendar this week, you can be excited, happy, and excited about your week instead of being stressed out before it even starts. Before you start your work week, be aware of the things that can lead to depression and remove them from your calendar. Design your life to make you feel good.