Have the ability to recover or Resilience This means that you will face adversity or failure and can react positively. Studies show that this characteristic is crucial for successful navigation in life, work and relationships.
For this purpose we have been dealing with the “secret recipe” for resilience for decades. Psychologist Emily Wenner has studied children’s resilience for 33 years. She found that what consistently differentiates resistant children from non-resistant ones is a clear sense of autonomy and independence. In addition, resistant children have what is known as an “internal control site”, as psychologists call it. That is, they believe that they determine their own destiny.
The resilience characteristic develops considerably in the course of life. Resilient people are able to respond to stressful and traumatic events in a way that builds personal meaning, like Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, did when her husband died abruptly in 2015. In fact, Sandberg felt compelled to share what he learned from Martin Seligman, a pioneer of positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, in his book Option B: face adversity, build resilience and achieve happiness, about his journey through pain with resilience and courage.
The good news is that it is good if you are resilient. Your optimism and sense of self-efficacy will continue to serve you well. And if you’re not that tough, don’t despair. It is a set of skills that can be absolutely learned. Seligman has devoted part of his academy to teaching cognitive skills that underpin resilience, such as: B. Changing our mindset from global to specific (“Everything is terrible” to “Today’s meeting went wrong”) and from permanent to inconsistent (“” I will always feel bad “to” Feeling bad is normal and at some point i will feel better “).
Still, it’s good to know where you are on the resilience scale and where you can improve. Check out the five questions below to get an indicator of your stamina.
Do you accept if you make a mistake or experience a failure?
Resilient people see themselves as the originators of their own lives and do not avoid making mistakes Forbes. Instead, they can react optimistically to their mistakes and failures and use and use setbacks as lessons for improvement and growth. Failure is simply an opportunity for future success for resilient people.
Can you work for months or years to achieve a goal?
Firm resistance is required to achieve high goals that take a long time to achieve. Without an immediate result, it can be difficult to keep working towards a goal, especially if there are unforeseen setbacks, obstacles, and bright distractions along the way.
However, resilient people can keep their eyes focused on the goal. You set smaller goals that match your main goal and see setbacks and obstacles as part of the learning process that makes them stronger and wiser.
Do you know that a difficult time does not last?
In the field of psychology, “persistence” is when you believe that negative feelings about an event are permanent. It is not an unusual feeling when you have experienced something disturbing, e.g. B. Losing your job or a loved one. Sheryl Sandberg had said that after her husband’s death, “no matter what I did, it seemed like the bruising pain was always there.”
Resilient people accept their feelings, but are aware that they are not permanent. This understanding is an essential part of the recovery process from traumatic events and disappointments.
If something bad happens, can you make sense and go on?
According to George Bonanno, a clinical psychologist at Columbia University College of Teachers who has been studying resilience for almost 25 years, perception is a key element in resilience.
While loss is a problem for everyone, people can have a deeper meaning and connection to these events. For example, the unexpected death of a family member or friend is sad and difficult, but for the resilient person it can also lead to greater awareness and defense against some cause of death or a closer relationship with religion. and spirituality.
Do you think it is your fault if bad things happen that are beyond your control?
Resilient people know that the cause of unfortunate events lies outside of themselves. As Sandberg put it: “Not everything that happens to us is our fault.”
While some things are certainly our responsibility, there are events that are simply beyond our control, such as accidents or the death of a loved one. Outsourcing guilt helps the resilient person overcome trauma. Knowing that we are not responsible for everything that happens in our lives is, in a way, liberation.
Each question to which you answered “yes” is 1 point. If you …
5: You are black ribbon in resistance. It is time to teach others how to face life’s challenges and offer support on someone else’s entrepreneurial journey.
3-4: Resilience is not a fixed characteristic. Depending on the intensity of the stressor and whether it is chronic, your resistance may stall or increase. Seek additional help (e.g. books like) Option B: Face adversity, build resilience and achieve happiness Sheryl Sandberg and Martin Seligman and Grit: The power of passion and perseverance Angela Duckworth) and get ready to strengthen your resilience.
1-2: Your lack of flexibility is likely to hinder your relationships and work life. Now that you can admit it, it’s time to address it and improve it. Get in touch with the most resilient and positive person you know in your life and ask them to advise you. If this is not an option, look for a professional mentoring program. Most people who choose a mentor are strong, resilient and successful.