Robin Dreeke, veteran FBI agent, explains the verbal and nonverbal cues that let us know if the people around us are on our side.
7 min read
The opinions expressed by employees are personal.
Can you trust the person with whom you are going to close a deal? Is your boss about to run you? Does your team really believe in your vision?
It would be amazing to know this kind of thing, right?
In his new book, Robin Dreeke, the former head of the behavior analysis program of the FB I Counterintelligence department, shares his process to recognize what people “say,” those physical and verbal tricks that can reveal true thoughts and intentions. of a person.
Derek hopes that his book “empowers you to work in the most intense and complex situations, with total confidence and feeling that you can create your future.” In the following excerpt, describe ten signs that the people around you not only believe in you, but also believe that they will benefit directly from your success.
1. People feel happy to work at your own pace and style, rather than their own. There are people who are not going to allow others to interrupt their way of doing things, and tend not to invest in others simply because we all have somewhat different ways of doing things.
However, people who feel comfortable investing in someone else are proud to do whatever it takes to accommodate the needs of their closest collaborators.
2. People often speak in terms of their own priorities, interests and prosperity. They make you the center of attention because they see you as their equal and do not need to regain attention to themselves. The smart answer is to pay them with the same courtesy and commitment.
3. People look for ways to expand their relationship with you. They look for more common interests and include you in many of the things they do, even if they are things you can't do at the same level. They will find a way to use your skills, in addition to opening a bridge between personal and professional reactions: by including you in your personal life if they work together, or sharing your professional life if you are a social acquaintance.
4. People join you for a difficult project, even when they prefer not to. On several occasions, my colleagues received tasks that were fatal to me, but I offered to accompany them for personal consideration. There is no better way to form the basis of a relationship than to endure and do things as a team.
A less dramatic but equally meaningful way of showing that you are betting on someone's success is working overtime with that person, without receiving any payment, especially if you can help them do something they cannot. As always, actions say more than words. It is part of the reason why I volunteered as a volunteer for a medical organization. It is intense, in terms of time and resources, and it is also the most action-oriented contribution I can make.
5. People charge favors for you. Using the currency of exchange that are the favors that you owe to one, and doing it in favor of someone else, is a great way to say that you bet that person. This is not only a sign of proactive disposition, but it opens a new relationship for you, especially if you get to know the other person who will do you the favor.
You can also create the so-called Benjamin Franklin Effect: when someone does you a favor, you like that person better because they are investing in you and would suffer from cognitive dissonance if they didn't like you. It is almost the purest elixir of betting on someone. Franklin discovered it when he borrowed a book from an enemy and found that the guy no longer hated him.
6. Virtually all of someone's positive actions are unsolicited. This is what I call the “initiative exam.” If someone helps you on your own initiative, this indicates that they believe in you much more than if you had to ask for help.
And it shows even more commitment if they create new forums, tasks or spaces to help you, like creating a committee that you lead.
7. People create a positive image of you, inside and outside your company, and give you credit for the success they have had, regardless of their own credit. This form of self-publicity not only connotes faith in its connection with you, but reveals the generosity and emotional stability of its personality.
This is extremely valuable if it comes from an immediate supervisor, as it shows that you care enough to risk losing yourself in another company or department, even risking that you keep your job.
The people who are constantly creating a positive image of you are pure gold. Treat them well and mutual trust will be profound.
8. People show genuine emotion for your achievements. This is usually because they perceive your success as theirs, but it can also indicate pure generosity. If you are not excited, or seem jealous or resentful, you may want to find a new ally.
Better yet if they show pleasure blatantly for the benefits they will get from your achievement. In that case, there is nothing wrong with someone benefiting and counting.
9. People extend their professional relationship with you towards the social level. This is huge and is very common. The two-level connection creates two separate forms of commitment that reinforce each other. This also indicates that you enjoy yourself as a person, and not just as someone who can help you.
10. People tell you something they have never said to anyone else.
This is huge!
They trust your discretion and advice, and they perceive you as someone who does not make judgments.
Of those values, the one I admire most is the rejection of judgments, something that strongly motivates people around you to be honest. It also creates a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere.
When someone opens your heart, you can do nothing but see yourself in a better reflection. This calms your self-criticism and helps you to stop being your worst enemy.
Excerpt from Robin Dreeke and Cameron Stauth, published by Porfolio, a label of The Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. Copyright © 2020 by Robin Dreeke